The Unofficial Unabridged Unthology of Hare Puns

Looking for the world’s most complete list of hare puns? Of course you’re not—nobody is. Yet here I am, Mark Koeff, self-styled Punmaster General, having whipped up The Unofficial Unabridged Unthology of Hare Puns in a carrot-crazed week. Michelangelo slaved four years on the Sistine Chapel; I dropped 100 hare-brained zingers in seven days flat. Genius? Madness? You decide—it’s a legacy that hops eternal. Just in time for Easter, too, because nothing screams ‘bunnies’ like chocolate eggs and pastel baskets, right? If these don’t tickle your hare-larious funny bone, no sweat—it’s free as a meadow frolic.

The Unofficial Unabridged Unthology of Hare Puns ©Mark Jordan 2020

What do you call rabbits who cut articles and pictures from newspapers and magazines?

Hare Clippers

What do you call a rabbit with a message from God?

An Angel Hare

What do you call a rabbit corpse?

Body Hare

What rabbit disorder is characterized by unconventional, twisted behaviors?

Kinky Hare Syndrome

What do you call a black rabbit, Private Detective?

Hare Shaft

The Unofficial Unabridged Unthology of Hare Puns

What do you call a rabbit’s list of chores his wife hands him to complete?

Hare Dos

What do you call a rabbit in psychotherapy?

Hare Analysis

What do you call a rabbit physical trainer?

Hare Conditioner

What do you call a rabbit who moved out of Yonkers to go to Boston, then to Cleveland, only to relocate to Dallas, etc., ad infinitum?

Hare Transplant (or Transplantation)

What drink do rabbits take to get a feeling of vigor and well-being?

Hare Tonic

What do you call a rabbit chiropractor?

A Hare Straightener

What do you call a rabbit in the spotlight?

Hare Highlighting

What do you call a rabbit sensitive to melody, harmony, rhythm, timbre, audio quality, and all aspects of music?

Ear Hare

What club does a rabbit prefer for its approach shot to the green?

Hare Iron

What do you call a rabbit’s stickum he applies to his surfboard?

Hare Wax

What do you call a Pentecostal rabbit?

Hare Roller

What do you call the art of rabbit basket making?

Hare Weaving

What do you call a small group of rabbits that separate themselves from the other rabbits?

Hare Splinter

What do you call rabbits that make a 1935 Ford Woody look brand new?

Hare Restoration

What do you call a rabbit who was born in the Age of the Aquarius?

Hare

What do you call a rabbit’s foot used to substitute for a missing foot?

Hare Prosthesis

What do you call a rabbit’s mode of expressing their aesthetic taste in being vogue?

Hare Fashion

What do you call rabbit slices of deli meat?

Hare Cuts

What bone condition causes rabbits to limp?

Hare Line Fracture

What do buck rabbits ask doe rabbits to shave most?

Leg Hare

What technique do literary rabbits employ to introduce a radical change in plot direction?

Hare Twists

Where do rabbits go on weekends to socialize and dine with their friends?

Hare Club

What does each rabbit do in poker before the deal?

Hare Up

Where are rabbits kept pending criminal charges, trial, or sentencing?

Hare Cells

What palm grease do rabbits use in bribery?

Hare Oil

What do you call a rabbit who grows palmate antlers and hanging skin around its neck?

Hare Mousse

What do you call a rabbit’s habit of interfering with the style and plans of others?

Hare Crimping

What is the number one reason rabbits cite for attending self-help seminars?

Hare Growth

What do you rabbits call it when mutual options under consideration are of equal value?

Hare Wash

What order does an officer give to weaponize a rabbit?

Arm Hare

What do you call a rabbit’s shop that caters to a fashionable clientele?

Hare Salon

What do you call a rabbit that weaves?

Hare Braider

What do you call a rabbit that comes and goes as it pleases?

Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow

What letter of the alphabet added to a rabbit makes it Irish?

O‘Hare

What do you call someone obsessed with rabbit puns?

Hare Brained

What do you call rabbit rudeness?

Hare Lip

What do you call a rabbit that is crazy about brown rabbits in breeding season?

Mad as a March Hare

What advice do psychologists give to rabbits that are overly critical about their own mistakes?

To Hare Is Human

What do rabbits use to rid themselves of unwanted guests?

Hare Remover

What is the name of the most famous of all rabbit basketball players?

Hair Jordan

What do you call a rabbit aesthetician?

A Facial Hare

What do you call a lower abdomen rabbit tattoo?

A Pubic Hare

What do you call the place where a rabbit stores its jumpsuits?

Hare Dresser

What eventually happens to a rabbit that gets too old?

Hare Dye

What do rabbits call their annual incorrigible holiday?

Bad Hare Day

What do rabbits call their gross income?

Hare Net

What do you call a rabbit who cultivates a fashionable mode of expression?

A Hare Stylist

What do you get when an obese rabbit melts?

Hare Grease

What do poor business rabbits claim on the tax returns?

A Hare Loss

What do you call a rabbit who can go long spans without water?

Camel Hare

What do you call a college’s practice of admitting rabbits over squirrels?

Hare Quota

What do parent rabbits call it when they disappoint their child rabbit?

Let One’s Hare Down

What do rabbits use to plug in an appliance outdoors?

A Hare Extension

What do rabbits call friends?

A Hare Line

What do you call a Catholic rabbit wearing a rosary?

Beaded Hare

What do you call a rabbit that is nearly no longer wet?

Hare Dryer

What do you call rabbit crayon drawings?

Hair Coloring

What do you get when a Polish Rabbit mates with a Soviet Chinchilla?

A Cross Hare

What do you call a rabbit belonging to a canine?

Hare of the Dog

What do you call rabbit ridden by Roy Rogers?

Hare Trigger

What do you call rabbits who chant the names of God?

Hare Krishnas

What do you then call a rabbit that gets under your skin?

An Ingrown Hare

What do rabbits call their spring dance where they gather to multiply?

Hare Ball

What do you call a rabbit’s astonishing practice of lifting its voice, legs, eyebrows, children, money, flags, and cattle?

Hare Raising

What do rabbits call their supreme leader?

Head of Hare

What do you call a rabbit who commits an act with the intent of disguising the actual source of responsibility and pinning blame on another rabbit?

False Hare

What do you call a rabbit that owns securities in a capital market?

Long Hare

What advice do rabbits give to Everyready about the Energizer Bunny?

Keep Your Hare On

What nickname do rabbits give to rabbits who look like Dolly Pardon?

Chest Hare

What do rabbits do with a fellow rabbit stuck in a brier?

Tear Their Hare Out

What do rabbits call the cloning of another rabbit?

Splitting Hares

What do you call rabbits that contend everything is open to interpretation?

Gray Hares

What do rabbits call a newly married rabbit?

Ringed Hare

What do you call a quick-tempered rabbit?

Short Hare

What do rabbits call the faux pas of spitting their words when they talk?

Hare Spray

What do you call a rabbit’s close call with death?

Hare Brush

What do you call rabbit texting in all uppercase letters?

Hare Caps

What health insurance do rabbits receive when they turn 65?

Hare Care

What do you call a certain rabbit’s distinctive characteristic mode of acting cool and collected?

Hare Style

What do you call a rabbit that likes to cheer at sporting events?

Root Hare

What do you call a rabbit with large biceps from lifting weights?

Hare Curler

What do you call a group of musicians rabbits?

Hare Band

What do you get when you cross a Swamp Rabbit with a Marsh Rabbit?

Hair Moss

What do you call a rabbit doctor who specializes in Rhinoplasty?

Nose Hare

What do you call a rabbit who endorses candidates?

Back Hare

What do you call a rabbit who resembles Jay Leno?

Chin Hare

What do you call a rabbit’s love of playfully tricking other rabbits?

Hare Pulling

Which TWO do not typically kiss you and send you flowers: 1) Your Mate; 2) Dr. Jekyll; or 3) a Rabbit?

Hyde Nor Hare

What would happen to you if you and your rabbit were found guilty of horse thieving?

Hang By a Hare

After powering down the runway, what did the rabbit do to score a perfect ten on the Vault?

Hare Stick

What is the name of a remake fantasy comedy-drama where a young buck rabbit is aged to an adult overnight?

Big Hare

What do you call a rabbit pilot that lost his holding path while waiting to land its aircraft?

Pattern Hare Loss

What do you call a rabbit’s anthropogenic development?

Human Hare Growth

What do you call getting rid of a rabbit with a focused light beam?

Laser Hare Removal

What do you call a rabbit hanging around a man’s neck?

Hare Tie

What do you call a rabbit that rings a bell and points at de plane?

Hare Tattoo

What do you call a rabbit whose love for carrots elicits unquestioning reverence, respect and devotion?

Hare Fetish

What do you call rabbits being defunded in metropolitan areas throughout America?

Hare Police

What do you call the place where a rabbit chose the red pill over the blue one?

Hare Matrix

What’s the name of the rabbit created in the 1930s with the voice of Mel Blanc?

Bugs Bunny, of course!

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The Unofficial Unabridged Unthology of Hare Puns

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